Gotta Knock a Little Harder
by Zar
Summary: For those of U who took the time, Thanx 4 the reviews. To the rest of U, More are welcome*hint hint*
1. Gotta Knock a Little Harder

On the way home from Virginia(not to mention the most miserable week-long vacation with my family away from the computer), while listening to these two songs, I kept thinking about the lyrics in relation to my life and when I woke up this morning, (still pissed off because I missed Outlaw Star), I thought I could do this, so, here it is. Its all (that is,both chapters)in Faye's POV after Spike left in the end of The Real Folk Blues.  
  
  
  
Gotta knock a little harder  
  
Happiness is just a word to me  
  
And it might have meant a thing or two  
  
If I'd had known the difference  
  
I cant ever be happy again, but, was I ever?  
  
  
  
Emptiness a lonely parody  
  
And my life, another smokin gun  
  
A sign of my indifference  
  
Nobody cares for me, the untouchable shrew woman.  
  
  
  
Always keepin safe inside  
  
Where no one ever had a chance  
  
To penetrate a break in  
  
I was just protecting myself from them! They couldnt touch me, they couldnt hurt me...  
  
  
  
Let me tell you some have tried  
  
But I would slam the door so tight  
  
That they could never get in  
  
If I did such a good job of protecting myself from them, why does it hurt so much?  
  
  
  
  
  
Kept my cool under lock and key  
  
And I never shed a tear  
  
Another sign of my condition  
  
I never cried before, why am I crying now?  
  
  
  
Fear of love or bitter vanity  
  
That kept me on the run  
  
The main events at my confession  
  
No man ever took the time to like me for me. All they saw was a hot babe they supposed would be easy.  
  
  
  
I kept the chain upon my door  
  
That would shake the shame of Cain  
  
Into a blind submission  
  
No one could ever break through, no matter how hard they tried! Until him... I did a really good job protecting myself! Too good a job...  
  
  
  
The burning ghost without a name  
  
Was still calling all the same  
  
But I just wouldnt listen  
  
The few people that ever actually did care tried to warn me, tried to save me from myself...  
  
  
  
Suddenly it occured to me  
  
The reason for the run and hide  
  
Had totaled my existence  
  
How was I to know that being untouchable for so long would mean losing the care of those I cared about?  
  
  
  
Everything left on the other side  
  
Could never be much worse than this  
  
But could I go the distance  
  
How could caring and being hurt be worse than knowing no one cares?  
  
  
  
I faced the door and all my shame  
  
Tearin off each piece of chain  
  
Until they all were broken  
  
I let myself go, infront of Spike of all people! I thought he would understand, hes the one who told me to forget the past in the first place! How could I ever forget Whitney? How he used me? Sally Yung, I dont remember her, but she knew me...even remembered me!  
  
  
  
  
  
But no matter how I tried  
  
The other side was locked so tight  
  
The door it wouldnt open  
  
I opened myself to you Spike, I made myself vulnerable, for you! And you walked away!  
  
  
  
Gave it all that I got  
  
And started to knock  
  
Shouted for someone  
  
To open the lock  
  
I just gotta get through the door  
  
I opened up, but why isnt anyone there to do the same for me? Was I really that untouchable? So untouchable that they all gave up on me?  
  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Well, that was my second fanfic but my first song-fic, please read and review.  
  
My first only got 2 reviews. I dont know if its cuz no one liked it or what but Im hoping for more this time.  
  
I want to know what you all think. 


	2. No Reply

No Reply  
  
Like the perfect ending  
  
It wont be too long  
  
Till everything Ive ruined has seen me gone  
  
In time I pray youll forgive  
  
Now you know the man I am  
  
Can you forgive me?  
  
No one would care if I were gone. No one cares that Im here.  
  
  
  
  
  
I fall  
  
Like the sands of time  
  
Like some broken rhyme  
  
At feet no longer there  
  
They never knew how hard it was. They could never understand...they wouldnt even take the time to try...  
  
  
  
If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel  
  
I would  
  
You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could be  
  
For that, I say thank you  
  
This was my life  
  
It never made much sense to me  
  
I gave myself to that bastard, and he left me standing here to watch the him, the one person I care about, go off to die!  
  
  
  
  
  
With every lie that I lived  
  
A part of me would fade  
  
Into this empty shadow Ive become  
  
And now I feel so numb  
  
I no longer know myself  
  
But I still know you  
  
Will that happen to me? Will I just fade until all I am is an emotionless shadow? So untouchable that I wont be able to reach myself? No one would ever be able to touch me, to hurt me...  
  
  
  
  
  
I call  
  
And there's no reply  
  
Like some phantom cry  
  
On ears too far away  
  
I tried to reach out, tried to get someone to show me that they cared. But that person was too far away, carried by their own past. Too hung up on their own problems to stop and try to comfort me. He didnt have to go! He could have just stayed and lived here with us, with me! He never should have gone, I shouldnt have let him go...  
  
  
  
I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by  
  
The only thing I see is you  
  
For all the time you walked the line for me and standing by my side  
  
I say thank you  
  
Here lies my life  
  
It never felt that real to me  
  
You were all that mattered, Spike. Why couldnt you just stop to see that? You were the only thing I knew to come back to! Why did you leave me? Why did you have to go?  
  
  
  
  
  
Youll always mean so much to me  
  
And there's no reply  
  
And there's no reply  
  
You'll never know how much you meant to me  
  
And there's no reply  
  
And there's no reply  
  
You'll never know how muxh you mean to me  
  
You'll never know how much you meant to me, Spike... you were all I lived for, not the Bebop. And now, youre gone.  
  
  
  
  
  
If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel  
  
I would  
  
You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could be  
  
For that, I say thank you  
  
I told you to stay, but you still left! You didnt care that I opened up to you, that I dropped all my barriers...to try to save you.  
  
  
  
I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by  
  
The only thing I see is you  
  
For all the time you walked the line for me and standing by my side  
  
I say thank you  
  
You were the only thing in my life that...that I cared about. You knew you meant something to me, Spike! Why did you go?  
  
  
  
You in my life  
  
It all meant so much more to be  
  
Goodbye...  
  
*click...bang...*  
  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Please! Tell me what you think!  
  
Im hoping for more than two reviews this time... 


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